mustard

Okay, so I've realized that I actually have to be kind of serious on this thing. My last few posts were pretty much jokes. Although, I have come to realize that my "voice" works best in humorous pieces, or something not as structured, etc. But for the purpose of this class, I shall try to write things of substance, or actual intellect... Or ...something, not just random things that don't have any meaning and just flow out of my head.

As time whittles away, my words are
Stubbornly blocked
Damn you.
Free the words from their
Jambs.
Kicking away but
Lodged in the folds and wrinkles of my brain
; asdfjkl; asdfljk;

okay, that was a warm-up! Now time for the REAL blog.
This is messed up. I can't write anything. I'm guessing it's because I feel like I have to be "serious" now. Therefore, I actually have to THINK of a topic to write about so it'll be "appropriate". I can't write as I please. Is there such a thing as writer's block? I've heard that there is no such thing. The brain is just being lazy, and it's just an excuse. OKAY I've got a topic now. FOR REAL KINE. I remembered reading this prompt before in an example of a college essay question for U of Chicago.
"If you had to purchase a Costco size jar of mustard, what would you do with it?" or something like that, I can't remember the exact wording.
This question bewilders me. Of course, for the sake of a college admissions essay I wouldn't dare say "I have no idea." But that'd be the real truth. I always eat my hotdogs with ketchup, and only ketchup. No relish, and absolutely no mustard. There is no sign of the trademark yellow stain on my shirt, similar to the ones my father gets when he bites into his juicy dog and bun. The only condiment smears on my napkin are red or mayonaise white. I prefer my sandwiches naked and dry if need be, thank you. Grey Popon or Djon? I've never had to make the desicion.
With that being said, I don't really know what I'd do with such an excess amount of mustard. I could take the saintly route and give it to needy people or some sort of organization that supports starving, underpriviledged children, but I don't think it would do any good. It seems obvious to me that being a condiment, mustard doesn't have any nutritional value. It's nothing close to being actual sustanance, but I guess if they got some hot dogs or ham sandwiches, they could always use it as a sort of extra luxury. Ah, the luxury of adding a condiment so the sandwich will taste a little better. I won't strike that off the list. I've thought of the idea of making art with the mustard. Mustard is a root right?I'm sure cave people used dirt, roots and plants to make their paints. Cave drawings were innovative considering their time period. Why not relive the whole process? No, that wouldn't work because I can't stand the smell of mustard. It's too tangy and sharp. Inhaling just a whiff makes my eyes water. I can't imagine what a whole Costco sized jar would smell like, though I did see the Jackass episode where Steve-O snorted wasabi. You can probably picture the effects...what a pretty sight that made. ridiculous. This pretty much eliminates using the mustard for any interactive activities, such as mustard fights (in bottles.. think about the squeezing capabilities of a fully loaded mustard bottle. FUN) & mustard colored clothes (not really all that fashionable anyway& I don't care for the color it seems pukey and dull).
This question is a real stumper. What would I do with all this mustard? So far, I'd opt to donate it to the mustard-loving needy, since it's probably the most beneficial and spiritually gratifying (HA) but that's such a predictable answer. It seems like the better question is what wouldn't I do with all this mustard? That's probably easier for me to answer. If I were given a lot of something else, like a cartful of tangerines or 1000 boxes of jello, I could immediately conjure a few plans to use these items that I would actually carry out. But alas, I am stuck with mustard. I'll just find a few friends who are really fond of mustard and give it to them. I can't think of any now, but I do know people who really love ketchup. They blindly grab way too many packets from the cafeteria, but instead of saying, "Damn, I took too many packets of ketchup", they excitedly exclaim "yes! I got some extra ketchup! You can always use more." And if there's people who care that much about one condiment, I'm sure there are plenty who love the others. Mustard needs lovin too... just not from me.